August 15th: Over Time, Not Overnight

August 15th: Over Time, Not Overnight

"We found that we do not recover physically, mentally, or spiritually overnight."

Basic Text, pg. 27

Have you ever approached a recovery celebration with the feeling that you should be further along in your recovery than you are? Maybe you have listened to newcomers sharing in meetings, members with much less clean time, and thought, "But I'm just barely beginning to understand what they're talking about!"

It's odd that we should come into recovery thinking that we will feel wonderful right away or no longer have any difficulty handling life's twists and turns. We expect our physical problems to correct themselves, our thinking to become rational, and a fully developed spiritual life to manifest itself overnight. 

We forget that we spent years abusing our bodies, numbing our minds, and suppressing our awareness of a Higher Power. We cannot undo the damage in a day. We can, however, apply the next step, go to the next meeting, help the next newcomer. We heal and recover bit by bit-not overnight, but over time.

Just for today: My body will heal a little, my mind will become a little clearer, and my relationship with my Higher Power will strengthen.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

August 14th: Letting Go Of Our Limitations

August 14th: Letting Go Of Our Limitations

"We don't have to settle for the limitations of the past. We can examine and reexamine our old ideas."

Basic Text, pg. 11

Most of us come to the program with a multitude of self-imposed limitations that prevent us from realizing our full potential, limitations that impede our attempts to find the values that lie at the core of our being. We place limitations on our ability to be true to ourselves, limitations on our ability to function at work, limitations on the risks we're willing to take...the list seems endless.

If our parents or teachers told us we would never succeed, and we believed them, chances are we didn't achieve much. If our socialization taught us not to stand up for ourselves, we didn't, even if everything inside us was screaming to do so.

In Narcotics Anonymous, we are given a process by which we can recognize these false limitations for what they are. Through our Fourth Step, we'll discover that we don't want to keep all the rules we've been taught. We don't have to be the life-long victims of past experiences.

We are free to discard the ideas that inhibit our growth. We are capable of stretching our boundaries to encompass new ideas and new experiences. We are free to laugh, to cry, and, above all, to enjoy our recovery.

Just for today: I will let go of my self-imposed limitations and open my mind to new ideas.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

August 13th: Difficult People

August 13th: Difficult People

“By giving unconditional love...we become more loving, and by sharing spiritual growth we become more spiritual."

Basic Text, pg. 99

Most of us have one or two exceptionally difficult people in our lives.

How do we deal with such a person in our recovery? First, we take our own inventory. Have we wronged this person? Has some action or attitude of ours served as an invitation for the kind of treatment they have given us? If so, we will want to clear the air, admit we have been wrong, and ask our Higher Power to remove whatever defects may prevent us from being helpful and constructive.

Next, as people seeking to live spiritually oriented lives, we approach the problem from the other person's point of view. They may be faced with any number of challenges we either fail to consider or know nothing about, challenges that cause them to be unpleasant. As it's said, we seek in recovery "to forgive rather than be forgiven; to understand rather than be understood."

Finally, if it is within our power, we seek ways to help others overcome their challenges without injuring their dignity. We pray for their well-being and spiritual growth and for the ability to offer them the unconditional love that has meant so much to us in our recovery.

We cannot change the difficult people in our lives, nor can we please everyone. But by applying the spiritual principles we've learned in NA, we can learn to love them.

Just for today: Higher Power, help me serve other people, not demand that they serve me.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

February 2nd: Goodwill

February 2nd: Goodwill

“Goodwill is best exemlified in service; proper service is doing the right thing for the right reason.”

Basic Text pg. ix

The spiritual core of our disease is self-centeredness. In dealing with others, the only motive our addiction taught us was selfishness - we wanted what we wanted when we wanted it. Obsession with self was rooted in the very ground of our lives. In recovery, how do we root self-obsession out?

We reverse the effects of our disease by applying a few very simple spiritual principles. To counteract the self-centeredness of our addiction, we learn to apply the principle of goodwill. Rather than seeking to serve only ourselves, we begin serving others. Rather than thinking only about what we can get out of a situation, we learn to think first of the welfare of others. When faced with a moral choice, we learn to stop, recall spiritual principles, and act appropriately

As we begin "doing the right thing for the right reason;" we can detect a change in ourselves. Where once we were ruled by self-will, now we are guided by our goodwill for others. The chronic self-centeredness of addiction is losing its hold on us. We are learning to "practice these principles in all our affairs"; we are living in our recovery, not in our disease.

Just for Today: Wherever I am, whatever I do, I will seek to serve others, not just myself. When faced with a dilemma, I will try to do the right thing for the right reason.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

February 1st: Hardships

February 1st: Hardships

“We felt different...
Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction.”

Basic Text pg. 22

"But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of-or perhaps in response to those hardships.

Our individual circumstances and differences are irrelevant when it comes to recovery. By letting go of our uniqueness and surrendering to this simple way of life, we're bound to find that we feel a part of something. And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

Just for today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

January 31st: Trust

January 3st: Trust

“Just for today,
 I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.”

Basic Text pg. 93

Learning to trust is a risky proposition. Our past experience as using addicts has taught us that our companions could not be trusted. Most of all, we couldn't trust ourselves.

Now that we're in recovery, trust is essential. We need something to hang onto, believe in, and give us hope in our recovery. For some of us, the first thing we can trust is the words of other members sharing in meetings; we feel the truth in their words.

Finding someone we can trust makes it easier to ask for help. And as we grow to trust in their recovery, we learn to trust our own.

Just for today: I will decide to trust someone. I will act on that trust.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

January 30th: GIving it Away

January 30th: Giving it Away

“We must give freely and gratefully that which has been freely and gratefully given to us.”

Basic Text pg. 49

In recovery, we receive many gifts. Perhaps one of the greatest of these gifts is the spiritual awakening that begins when we stop using, growing stronger each day we apply the steps in our lives. The new spark of life within is a direct result of our new relationship with a Higher Power, a relationship initiated and developed by living the Twelve Steps. Slowly, as we pursue our program, the radiance of recovery dispels the darkness of our disease.

One of the ways we express our gratitude for the gifts of recovery is to help others find what we've found. We can do this in any number of ways: by sharing in meetings, making Twelfth Step calls, accepting a commitment to sponsorship, or volunteering for H&I or phoneline duty. The spiritual life given to us in recovery asks for expression, for "we can only keep what we have by giving it away."

Just for today: The gift of recovery grows when I share it.

 I will find someone with whom to share it.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

January 29th: An Action Step

January 29th: An Action Step

“Do we understand that we have no real control over drugs?”

Basic Text pg. 18

At first, many of us may have thought the First Step required no action-we just surrender and go on to Step Two. But Step One does require action!

The action we take in the First Step will be evident in the way we live, even from our first day clean. If we truly believe that we are powerless over our addiction, we will not choose to be around drugs. To continue to live with or associate with practicing addicts may indicate a reservation in our program. An absolute belief that the First Step applies to us will insure that we clear our homes of all drugs and paraphernalia.

As time goes on, we'll not only continue with the basics but add new actions to our First Step repertoire. We'll learn to feel our feelings rather than trying to control them, We'll stop trying to be our own and only guides on our recovery journey; self-sponsorship will cease. We'll begin looking to a Power grater than ourselves more and more for spiritual satisfaction rather than trying to fill that void with something else.

Surrender is only the beginning. Once we surrender, we need to learn how to live in the peace we have found.

Just for today: I will take all the action necessary to practice the First Step.
I truly believe it applies to me. 

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

January 28th: An Everyday Addict

January 28th: An Everyday Addict

“We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean.”

Basic Text pg. 80

After getting a little time in the program, some of us begin to think we have been cured. We've learned everything NA has to teach us: we've grown bored with the meetings; and our sponsor keeps droning the same old refrain: "The steps-the-steps-the-steps!" We decide it is time to get on with our lives, cut way back on meetings, and try to make up for the years we have lost to active addiction. We do this, however, at the peril of our recovery.

Those of us who have relapsed after such an episode often try to go to as many meetings as we can-some of us go to a meeting every day for several years. It may take that long for us to understand that we will always be addicts. We may feel well some days and sick on the other days, but we are addicts every day. At any time, we are the subject to delusion, denial, rationalization, justification, insanity-all the hallmarks of the typical addicts way of thinking. If we want to continue living and enjoying life without the use of drugs, we must practice an active program of recovery each day.

Just for today: I am an addict every day, but today I have the choice to be a recovering addict. I will make that choice by practicing my program. 

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

A Prayer Power Post

I made the label for prayer posts when I started this on the 22nd of January (2017) and haven't really posted under that category yet because it was not entirely defined as ab idea or topic that I had mapped out in my head to include in this blog yet...and to be honest this whole prayer thing is for the most part new to the adult me.

However, I have always believed in this spiritual theory I have come to this conclusion, this theory,  that my heart, mind and soul can all agree on where they can't when it comes to religion. This theory is that the universe can tune into to the vibe of your soul that you put out. Like for example if you are always worried about a particular thing, you will attract that very thing you fear into your life.

I guess it is similar to the mindful manifestation meditations in that way. I truly believe if you put something into the universe, it will be heard. The more it is repeated, the louder and louder it will get, until you have this thing, (and by thing I mean whatever has been repeated like a particular worry or hope or whatever that thing or thought or prayer that may be), but putting it out there will eventually have that things undivided attention and it will find its way into your life in some form or fashion. I am not sure if I am explaining it correctly so that it will make sense outside of my own belief but hopefully you get the gist...and that gist is the direction of where I want to head with the prayer power posts. So I would like to make the first prayer power post today...

My first prayer power post is dedicated to this woman that spoke at my NA meeting today. When they were "hugging out" key tags, this woman stood up to accept her 24 hour coin. Not a lot of people wanted to share today, so there were plenty moments of silences to cut through. In one of those particular moments of silence, this woman spoke and introduced herself; she is 61 years old and I'll be damned if her story didn't resonate in the very recess of my soul. I am sure it would resonate with any alcoholic or addict because we have all been there in our way, in that dark place at one point or another. This woman had previously had 14 months sober and relapsed...she came to the meeting, having the courage to come back through the doors...now having 24 hours sober.

This relapse of hers took the shortcut route to FML-ville for her. She had gotten clean, had 14 months under her belt, had gotten her job back, was off the streets living in an oxford house, working on repairing her damaged relationships with her family...she said through the tears she didn't know why she relapsed. She had no reason, no justification...last time she relapsed, she had 3 months and it was because her son tried to hang himself (he survived) so she could cut herself some slack; but she didn't quit her journey and got sober rather quickly again afterward starting over again from scratch. She didn't understand why she had done it, thrown away 14 months of sobriety, thrown away her life she worked so hard to fix in just a moment of "stinkin' thinkin'"...she was beating herself up, ashamed of herself, looking for answers when there really isn't any, looking at something or someone in her immediate past to point the finger at to ease the burden of grief she was carrying so she didn't have to carry that weight on her own because some where in there she knows its her own damn fault like we all do and doesn't want to accept that, worried about the acceptance of others, how other people will judge her for falling of the wagon and if they would forgive her, she even admitted that she didn't forgive herself. The only thing she could find to explain it to herself was that she was feeling empty and bored, there wasn't anything chaotic going on and her life was on the mend and she was doing really good. Still, that empty and bored feeling that happens quite frequently through sobriety, she said she was able to wait it out all the other times. That time she grabbed a pint of vodka and her DOC (her drug of choice was huffing) and her life spiraled so quickly. In 24 hours she lost everything and was right back to square one...

She went to work drunk and high and they fired her, she went home and oxford house kicked her out, she went back to the streets and she got robbed of everything, even her mental health medications and her tools for her trade. She left her social security card at the hospital, when she tried to get into detox and there was no beds so she could at least have her card. As she spoke she brought back a lot of unpleasant memories to me, the DTs, the hallucinations, the night terrors, etc. I felt for her because I have been there in that dark place and alone. I know it was her own choice so I won't pity her, she will have plenty of that by her own doing. The spiral down can be hard and fast...to your rock bottom. It has not time limit...mine was 3 months and the life I had built from nothing and the person I was that I was proud of just utterly debased and lost. So I feel it, sister. Thank you for coming in today; for not giving up, for not quitting. You are worth it. Keep coming back.

Today, even though I don't know you and you don't know me...I pray for you. I wish you all the peace and strength that you need. I hope you will regain your life and your will. I hope you get your medications reissued and that a bed will open up for you and that this time will be your time. I pray for your family and hope you find forgiveness for yourself and from them. Blessed be.

January 27th: Learning how to Live Again

January 27th: Learning how to Live Again

“We learn new ways to live.  We are no longer limited to our old ideas.”

Basic Text pg. 56

We may or may not have been taught right from wrong and other basics of life as children. No matter, by the time we found recovery, most of us had only the vaguest idea of how to live. Our isolation from the rest of society had caused us to ignore basic human responsibilities and develop bizarre survival skills to cope with the world we lived in. 

Some of us didn’t know how to tell the truth; others were so frank we wounded everyone we talked to. Some of us couldn’t cope with the simplest of personal problems, while others attempted solving the problems of the whole world. Some of us never got angry, even when receiving unfair treatment; others busily lodged complaints against everyone and everything.

Whatever our problems, no matter how extreme, we all have a chance in Narcotics Anonymous to learn how to live anew.  Perhaps we need to learn kindness and how to care about others. Perhaps we need to accept personal responsibilities. Or maybe we need to overcome fear and take some risks.  We can be certain of one thing: Each day, simply by living life, we’ll learn something new.

The self-centeredness afflicting our spirit can be treated with a spiritual solution: the Twelve Steps.  

Just for today:  I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I’ll know tomorrow.  Today, I’ll learn something new.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

Meme of the Day: 26JAN17

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January 26th: Self-Centeredness

January 26th: Self-Centeredness

""The spiritual part of our disease is our total self-centeredness."

Basic Text pg. 20

What is self-centeredness? It is our belief that the world revolves around us. Our wishes, our demands are the only ones worth consideration. Our self-centered minds believe they are capable of getting everything they want if only they would be left to their own devices. Self-centeredness assumes total self-sufficiency. 

We say that self-centeredness is the spiritual part of our disease because the self-centered mind cannot conceive of anything greater or more important than itself. But there is a spiritual solution to our spiritual malady: the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. The steps lead us away from self-centeredness and toward God-centeredness. 

We strip away our delusion of self-sufficiency by admitting our own powerlessness and seeking the aid of a Power greater than ourselves. We acknowledge the bankruptcy of our self-righteousness by admitting we've been wrong, making amends, and seeking knowledge of what's right from the God our understanding. And we deflate our overwhelming sense of self-importance by seeking to serve others, not only ourselves. 

The self-centeredness afflicting our spirit can be treated with a spiritual solution: the Twelve Steps.  

Just for today:  My guidance and my strength comes from a Higher Power, not from my own self. I will practice the Twelve Steps to become more God-centered and less self-centered.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

Meme of the Day: 25JAN17

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January 25th: An Added Gift

January 25th: An Added Gift

""We see it happening among us every day
this miraculous turnabout is evidence of a spiritual awakening."

Basic Text pg. 49

We watch them walk in to their first meeting defeated, their spirits broken. Their suffering is obvious, and their desire for help even more apparent. They collect a welcome chip and go back to their seats, shaken by the effort. 

We see them again, and they seem a little more comfortable. They've found a sponsor and are attending meetings every night. They still won't meet our glance, but they nod their heads in recognition as we share. We notice a spark of hope in their eyes, and they smile uncertainly when we encourage them to keep coming back. 

A few months later, they are standing straight. They've learned how to make eye contact. They're working the steps with their sponsor and are healing as a result. We listen to them sharing at meetings. We stack chairs with them afterward. 

A few years later, they are speaking at a convention workshop, They've got a wonderful, humorous personality. They smile when they see us, they hug us, and they tell us they could never have done it without us. And they understand when we say, "nor could we, without you." 

Just for today:  I will find joy in witnessing the recovery of another.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

Meme of the Day: 24JAN17

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"Sometimes we save to disconnect to reconnect with what matters."

Today I've been super busy with life. I'm trying out the blogger mobile app to see if I could still blog while I am on the go. It's not looking like the meme is loading but I guess I will see how it all turned out later.  I choose this meme because it resonates the daily meditation for me.  

Although personally I feel like I have to agree to disagree with today's reading... it does not match me. My personal integrity is still intact and it is the only thing I've managed to keep and maintain in this journey of recovery, I don't lie because I can't remember them to keep them straight and feel like it's a waste of brain power, I prospered in my career and personal life, I was happy, independent and my isolation and loss of relationships and self didn't happen until I choose to get sober. I guess todays reading does ring true for many of us alcoholics and addicts from the stories that are shared in the halls of anonymous fellowship. 

Reconnect with your life. Live and let live. Let go and let God, as you know it. Blessed be.

Update: the blog publish failed on the blogger app. Didn't even save it as a draft. I'm posting from chrome mobile.

January 24th: From Isolation to Connection

January 24th: From Isolation to Connection

"Our disease isolated us...
Hostile, resentful, self-centered, and self-seeking, we cut ourselves off from the outside world."

Basic Text pg. 3-4

Addiction is an isolating disease, closing us off from society, family, and self. We hid. We lied. We scorned the lives we saw others living, surely beyond our grasp. Worst of all, we told ourselves there was nothing wrong with us, even though we knew we were desperately ill. Our connection with the world, and with reality itself, was severed. Our lives lost meaning, and we withdrew further and further from reality.

The NA Program is designed especially for people like us. It helps reconnect us to the life we were meant to live, drawing us out of our isolation. We stop lying to ourselves about our condition; we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. We develop faith that our lives can improve, that recovery is possible, and that happiness is not permanently beyond our grasp. We get honest; we stop hiding; we "show up and tell the truth"; no matter what. And as we do, we establish the ties that connect our individual lives to the larger life around us.

We addicts need not live lives of isolation. The Twelve Steps can restore our connection to life and living - if we work them.

Just for today: I am a part of the life around me. I will practice my program to strengthen my connection to my world.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

Check out some of my other Narcotics Anonymous related posts on the ProcrastiKNITor Blog:

My Soapbox Post: January 22nd, 2017

The Daily Inspirational Meme

The Serenity Prayer

The Just for Today Prayer

The Trust Prayer

The Literature Prayer

Meme of the Day: 23JAN17

 "When you eat healthy and exercise for one day and expect your summer body to just be there when you look down." 

I made this meme this morning after reading the daily mediation from Just for Today. I thought it was fitting. Maintenance. You don't get the desired results in recovery without putting in the work and then when that initial work is inputted, you still have to fight the complacency and keep up with maintenance to stay on track with your program. You can't undo years of abuse and neglect you and the way you lived life in active addiction done to your self (body, mind, and spirit) in a few months. True, those first few months take a whole lot of work to get but that is just scratching the surface of what really tends to anchor you in pursing your addiction actively. To a lot of us, we don't want to deal with it...it's why we needed the escape and the release in the first place and some of us may not even know that much. Rome wasn't built in a day. In Christian based religions even God, took seven days to create the world. Scientist document evolution over a long time line. So take this 24 and do a little maintenance on your body, mind and spirit. Your tomorrow self will most likely thank you. The picture of this adorable baby girl came from photobucket.com (photo credit citation: baby looking at belly button. Digital image. Photobucket.com. Sonyarose04's Bucket, n.d. Web <[URL]=http://s269.photobucket.com/user/sonyarose04/media/babyandbellybutton.jpg.html][IMG]http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj80/sonyarose04/babyandbellybutton.jpg[/IMG][/URL]).

January 23rd: Serenity Check

January 23rd: Serenity Check

"Lack of daily maintenance can show up in many ways."

Basic Text pg. 91

Ever had a perfect stranger remark about how great the weather was, only to reply "It stinks"? When this happens, we are probably suffering from lack of daily maintenance in our program.

In recovery, life can get pretty hectic. Maybe those added responsibilities at work have got you hopping. Maybe you haven't been to a meeting for awhile. Perhaps you've been too busy to meditate, or haven't been eating regularly or sleeping well. Whatever the reason, your serenity is slipping.

When this happens, it is crucial that we take action. We can't afford to led one "bad day"; complete with a bad attitude, slip into two days, four days, or a week. Our recovery depends on our daily maintenance program. No matter what is happening in our lives, we can't afford to neglect the principles that have saved our lives.

There are many ways to recover our serenity. We can go to a meeting, phone our sponsor, meet another recovering addict for lunch, or try to carry the message to a newcomer. We can pray. We can take a moment to ask ourselves what simple things we haven't been doing.

When our attitudes head downhill, we can avert a crash with simple solutions.

Just for today: I will examine the maintenance of my daily program of recovery.

Just for today: daily meditations for recovering addicts. (1992).
Van Nuys, CA: World Service Office.

Check out some of my other Narcotics Anonymous related posts on the ProcrastiKNITor Blog:

The Daily Inspirational Meme

The Serenity Prayer

The Just for Today Prayer

The Trust Prayer

The Literature Prayer

Meme of the Day: 22JAN17

 "Stars can't shine without a little darkness;

So shine on." 

©ProcrastiKNITor

I actually made this meme the other day so I could upload it to Zedge as a wallpaper because I was uber bored. I found the saying to be inspirational because it's simply true and serves as a beautiful reminder that the darkness can represent the trials and tribulations of life; while you and your higher power are the light...shine on (live and let live). I can't remember where I heard or read this quote originally. However, as an addict in recovery, I can attest that our brains tend to focus on the negative side of life and takes the self-hating/self-shaming to a whole other level that can take years of therapy to undo. However, without that darkness...the light wouldn't shine so bright. We wouldn't need to illuminate our paths to guide us out because we wouldn't be able to see any path out at all, there would not be anything to differentiate the contrasting elements of light and darkness. It would be all light or all darkness. If you ever experienced the hell of active addiction, that is the kind of darkness you don't want to be permanently engulfed in. Plus, it is kind of like the old adage my Nana used to say, "You can't really know joy, unless you have known sorrow."

Check out some of my other Narcotics Anonymous related posts on the ProcrastiKNITor Blog:

My Soapbox Post: January 22nd, 2017

Daily Meditation

The Serenity Prayer

The Just for Today Prayer

The Trust Prayer

The Literature Prayer